Oliver Xu

In today’s world, we view insecure people as weak. Most people think it is wrong to be insecure, meaning that we should avoid feeling it at all costs. I’m here to argue that there is nothing wrong with insecurity. In fact, insecurities can be sources of growth if we only learn to understand them.

Everyone has insecurities. They are an unavoidable fact of life. Just like any other emotion, the feeling of insecurity has biological benefits. It protects us from harm. For example, let’s imagine that I am insecure about receiving criticism for being overweight. My subconscious cannot…

This is what 5 months of boxing every day have taught me:

  • I don’t need other people to motivate me. I can motivate myself to achieve things that I want.
  • I don’t need other people to validate me. I am good enough.
  • I am the hardest worker I know. I’m always at the gym early and I’m always out the gym late. I train every day and I take care of my body every day.
  • I care about my physical and mental health myself because I need my body to be functioning at my physical peak to compete and I…

Justice isn’t only what is doing what is right for yourself, but it is doing the right thing for society and right for humanity.

Recently, I have been reading Socrates and one of his ideas caught my attention. Socrates states and believes that no one does bad purposefully. When one commits a “bad” act, they are doing good as in they do what they think is good and their good is misaligned with the true good.

Because of this idea, Socrates believes that people should be educated rather than punished. Such a statement made me reflect on my own experience. When I failed and when I made mistakes, was I intentionally doing bad? For example, in high school, when I was suspended, I was…

One philosophical issue that has been stirring my head is the issue of The Absurd. Yes, the existence of humanity as a whole is absurd, but I have been struggling with the absurd nature of my own existence. I seem to be in existence yet existing itself is not enjoyable. Because I have depression and anxiety, and because I’ve had suicidal thoughts, I have encountered The Absurd in my consciousness almost every day. I think about the absurd nature of my own existence for hours every day. I recognize that I am constantly seeking meaning through my environment for reasons…

Faces blurred
Lines blurred
Lines are crossed
Faces are disfigured

My Inside screams for these faces
My fingers twitch for sensation.
My legs beat from boredom.
My Inside growls for a taste.

I will now devour the faces.

I can taste the nectar
Oozing as I clamp down on its flesh.
I feel the vibrations
Trembling as I grind away at its cartilage.

All that is left are her eyes
That drill into my core
Telling me that it is time.

I place two marbles in my hand.

And I squeeze,
Until the hazel eyes were no more

But a smudge.

The most difficult thing about life for me is life itself. The constant waking up every morning just to live through a day that seems so meaningless drives my frustration. The seemingly useless nature of routine takes away from will to fight and live. I’m only 20 years old and I’ve gone through so much. Because of my past failures and suffering, I have grown volatile. I smoke and drink to numb my thoughts at night. During the days, especially on weekdays, my confidence seems to skyrocket. I participate heavily in all my classes and I’m not scared to socialize…

By Oliver Xu

Should have done this
Or That
Would have been different
If Could
Know this course will lead
To Nihility
But the Impending will always
So I surrender my being
To Futility

Dread grows
Body starts trembling
The question is always, Why?
I always answer back at I,
“I Do Not Know”

I then start to lose grasp
I becomes me
I am now guilty
I am now sick with I in me
My capacity deteriorates

Warmth starts to drench my body
I melt before my eyes
I am so guilty
But I cannot feel the guilt
For the guilt has been submerged

I am content but unable to smile
I no longer need anyone else
My eyes flutter back and forth
Drifting in and out,
In and out,
In and out,

Till I am free.

Oh my, here I go again
When will it ever end
When will it ever start
Will I ever be again

Are you nauseous?
No, but I am
Why are you me?
I am the entity of you

But how can you be?
I am being
There are three of me?
But only one is seeing

People often have difficulty differentiating the subtle distinctions between feeling down and having depression. Such differences can cause unintentional mistreatment of those who do have depression further isolating them from the correct kind of support.

The first difference is the cognitive difference between just feeling down and going through depression. When a healthy person feels down, they usually have healthy positive thoughts that help them move past the low. Often, when people feel down, it is usually triggered by an event. Whether it is an actual event or not, it is a perceived event to us. For example, seeing a…

Oliver Xu

Emory University Undergrad student majoring in philosophy. Trying to help as many people as I can who are suffering and in need. You’re not alone.

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